Tabloid tales from LA LA Land: 3am's round-up of this week’s US celeb mags

All the gossip from our crazy American friends! We've read every magazine so YOU don't have to...

Marriage and a baby for these two. Apparently

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The gossip from LA LA Land is mostly about babies, love lives, and, uh, sex changes.
There's news that Mila Kunis is pregnant and her and Ashton are planning to get hitched in the UK - in a castle or at Stonehenge - to be precise.
And according to one gossip magazine, Michelle Obama has 'met with divorce lawyers' following the President taking a selfie with Denmark's Helle Thorning-Schimdt and our own PM David Cameron (unfortunately for Dave, he doesn't even get a mention in the article).
Meanwhile, in other bizarre twists and turns in the romance between Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux, you'll be mighty pleased to know they aren't expecting baby number 58 (because that story started to get a bit boring after baby number five, right?), but they are apparently still fighting. And this time it's over something so brilliantly incredible, we don't want to spoil the surprise just yet. We will give you a little clue though - it's Star Wars related.
So grab yourself a Gatorade and open the box of Oreos, it's about to get gossipy up in here.

'FIGHTING OVER HIS DIRTY LITTLE SECRET'

Jennifer Aniston

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Can you guess what the dirty secret is? Go on, have a go. No?
It's 'DUMPSTER DIVING'.
All the magazines that originally reported Jen and Justin were cruising down the rocky road to splitsville, have now done a spectacular u-turn.
Still, that hasn't stopped them sniffing around for an eye-popping headline. Kudos.
Star magazine says Jenifer Aniston is "embarrassed" by her hunky boyfriend's bizarre hobby. Jen "tells him they have more than enough money to decorate," says a 'source'.
Who also, quite amazingly, adds that his recent finds included a discarded Darth Vadar helmet and a rusted bedpan to use as a planter.
The source dishes: "He's always found joy in stumbling upon a piece and then deciding what to do with it."

'WEDDING & A BABY!'

Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's divorce has barely been finalised but OK! USA have already jumped on the rolling gossip bandwagon and reported the loved-up Hollywood pair are not only planning to tie the knot any minute now, but, as the headline suggests, they're also expecting a mini Milaton.
Fortunately for the magazine, there were some wonderfully timed pictures of Mila dressed in a light silk gown at her brother's wedding floating about, so if you really squint and skim over the headline you pretty much have a wedding.
'Finally free to marry, Aston and Mila make it official - and share their pregnancy news,' the front cover reads.
So, Mila's expecting, right? Nuh-huh. Inside, a 'close pal' of the couple says: "They want babies, and they see no reason to wait.
But that hasn't stopped them from shoving an arrow in the direction of Mila's tum. 'Is Mila pregnant?' the mag asks.
Meanwhile the questionable close pal says: "Mila has no problem walking down the aisle with a bump!"
The mag also spills all the details of the pair's impending nuptials. The location (a castle in the UK or Stonehenge, FYI)! The dress (Dior)! The guests (Natalie Portman and James Franco)!

'KHLOE'S IN LOVE WITH A NEW MAN'

Khloe's got a new man, apparently

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Almost every magazine has featured a Khloe's 'new man' story, but OK! USA have gone out on a fairly risky limb by suggesting Khloe's got her eye on old pal The Game - not basketball star and Rihanna's ex Matt Kemp.

"Khloe's genuinely crazy about him," a source says. "But she's really crazy about his charity work." Sure.
"She loves that sort of thing," the source adds.
"She completely respects and admires him. And all he wants is to make her feel like the most special girl in the world."
IF it was true, that would of course be rather lovely.

'OBAMA MARRIAGE EXPLODES!'

Who knew a simple selfie could cause so much controversy?
According to the National Enquirer, Barack Obama's selfie with Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorming Schmidt and David Cameron has basically caused the breakdown of the Obama's 21-year marriage.
"Now Michelle is mad as hell," a source told the mag.
"She feels violated in front of the whole world, and screamed at him, 'I've had enough!'
"She's met with divorce lawyers and told Barack that she wants a life apart form him."
One particularly astute quote reads: "Practically everybody on the planet saw what he did."
Let's, ahem, watch the space for this one, shall we?

'BRUCE JENNER SEX-CHANGE BOMBSHELL!'

Bruce Jenner did recently admit he wanted a cosmetic surgeon to remove his Adam's apple which is pretty bizarre in itself, but this is quite something else.
National Enquirer says 'Bruce is ready to take the plunge - and transform himself into a woman!' because 'he's worn make up and jewelery and enjoys regular beauty treatments such as manicures, pedicures and eyebrow plucking.'
But the best part? 'Lately, he's been wearing his hair in a feminine ponytail, which accentuates his delicate, surgically enhanced facial features,' they go on to say.
While In Touch also covers the story in an equally LOL-athon style.
'Hair removal like Kim,' they say. 'Botox like Kris' and a 'weave like Kourtney.'
A to the maze.

'LINDSAY'S TURNING INTO A COUGAR!'

Lindsay Lohan, who's been linked to Liam Neeson's 18-year-old son, is incredibly hot property right now, according to the National Enquirer.
A quite witty 'pal' of Lindsay's told mag: "LiLo's list of conquests is longer than her legal bill these days.
"She's been boasting about her cougar abilities, saying she learned everything from her mom Dina."
"She wants to be a better cougar than her mom, Demi and Kris Jenner combined!" shouts the source.
That's Lindsay Lohan. 27-year-old LiLo.

'WHY CAN'T THE KARDASHIANS JUST KEEP A MAN'

In Touch seems to have a right old crush on the Kardashian Klan this week. Hot on the heels of the 'Is Bruce Really Becoming A Woman?' headline, Khloe AND Kourtney take a bit of a bashing.
According to the mag, mum-of-two Kourtney is being humiliated by her partner of seven years Scott Dissick.
Scott's been blowing their cash, holding hands with Kourney's sister Khloe Kardashian (in public, no less) and basically just being a right nuisance.
"I don't know why the Kardashian girls can't seem to keep a man," the (second) insider tells the mag. "They're beautiful and have more money than God, but they just can't find happiness."
How much money does God have then? Anyone?
The (first) insider dishes: "Kourtney is devastated. She always wanted Scott to be the one. Instead he's broken her heart."
Fortunately the pair were papped getting into Scott's flashy Ferrari last weekend, so we can breathe a sigh of relief. For now.

'SELENA'S MOVING NEXT DOOR TO JUSTIN'

Justin's neighbourhood is a popular place

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Life & Style mag claims pop singer Sel is moving next door to Justin - in the uptown area of Los Angeles Calabasas.

Where basically a lot of mega-bucked Hollywood types reside.
An insider told the mag: "Selena is very close to making an offer on a house inside the Calabasas development where Justin lives,
"She looked at other neighbourhoods but really fell in love with a home near Justin's."
She's obviously taken a leaf out of Taylor Swift's boy book, as Tay is apparently on the hunt for a pad right near Harry Styles' humble abode. OR she could just be looking for a house in London. It's a big place, ya know?